Nobody Deserves a Mime

#TBT

Here's a children's poem that I wrote a few years back. Enjoy.

My Glasses

I don’t know where my glasses went

Oh where could they be?

What will I do without them?

It’s hard for me to see

I searched my entire bedroom

Looking with all of my might

I even glanced under my bed

But my glasses weren’t in sight

I searched in all of the kitchen drawers

In all of the cabinets too

But I still can’t find my glasses

Oh whatever will I do?

I searched inside of the bathroom

In the shower and under the sink

Where did I put my glasses?

I just need to think

I thought about them really hard

Raking through my brain

I don’t remember where I put them

Maybe I’m going insane

Finally I just gave up looking

And sat down on my bed

My mother will be mad I lost them

Tomorrow I might be dead

Oh… but wait silly me

My glasses were just on my head

And here are some old Buffy quotes:

Buffy: "...so then Kathy's like, 'It's share time.' And I'm like, 'Oh yeah? Share this!'" 

Oz: "So, either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her."
Buffy: "Well, I didn't do either, actually. But she deserves it, don't you think?"
Oz: "Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy."

Xander: "Its like theres a party in my eye socket and everyones invited!...i shouldn't be able to say words"

Buffy: "Does it ever get easy?"

Giles: "You mean life?"

Buffy: "Yeah. Does it get easy?"

Giles: "What do you want me to say?"

Buffy: "Lie to me."

Giles: "Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after."

Buffy: "Liar."

Giles:"Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?" 

Willow:"Maybe because they met her?"

--ASH

BRACE YOURSELVES...

FINALS ARE COMING...

I've been a little study bee lately, which is the opposite of fun, but I'll be half way done with college in T-minus 13 days! YAY! It is still shocking how fast these past two years have flown by, and I'm so blessed by all of the wonderful friends that I have made over the past two years! 

In other news... how 'bout dem BRAVOSSS! Y'all I am a HUGE baseball fan, specifically a huge fan for the Braves (if you couldn't already tell by my use of "y'all"). They are literally the best stinkin' team out there (and I can say literally because they actually have the best record right now). I like them so much I procrastinated studying for finals last semester by creating a new background for my computer representing my love for my hometown team.

Speaking of procrastinating... I've decided to make of list of all the things I can do to procrastinate for my finals this semester, so that I'll be a more efficient procrastinator.

1) Re-watch the entire series of scrubs (because I have done it twice before)

2) Write a few more stinkin' awesome blog posts

3) Buy google-ly eyes (from a craft store) and glue them onto random objects to make them look like faces

4) Have a solo dance party

5) Go on Pinterest for a little bit (and "accidentally" spend five hours looking for an easy craft to do)

6) Clean my room (hahaha...)

7) Start packing for the summer

8) Farkle on my phone (yeah it's a real thing)

9) Doodle and color a coloring book (because you are never to old to do that)

10) Google better ideas for procrastination

11) Paint my nails, mess one up, and start the process all over again

12) Play a lot of sporcle quizzes (they are intellectually stimulating - right?)

13) Watch a few youtube videos

14) Make a birthday list (a casually post it up somewhere so people buy me things)

15) Watch the braves game

Wait... I'm watching the Braves game right now... and I should probably be studying. I guess this list is really working. That's a relief. 

--ASH

P.S. -- enjoy this beautiful face...

AH FIRE!

I'm going to let you in on a little pet peeve of mine.. when people take pictures of themselves holding signs of weird quotes that they made up. Like this:

Or this:

Whenever I see picture like these, all I can think is... Why is that person holding an invisible sign? And her metaphorical past isn't the only thing that girl is going to light on fire. Her house probably burnt down in the making of this photo (there has got to be a Public Service Announcement somewhere in there) 

So here it is. My PSA of the week: 

Don't Write Stupid Quotes on Pieces of Paper and 

Take Pictures of Yourself Holding Said Pieces of Paper

And here friends, is some mock quotes, inspired by these "wonderful" signs that tweens took of themselves holding... enjoy.


1) Punctuation Matters:

(notice the ironic "?")

2) Being Alone is not that bad:

3) You are not Independent if you live with your parents:

(& yes I am holding this piece of paper in my mouth, 

I needed both of my mildly uncoordinated hands to take the picture)

4) Ask for better things for Christmas:

5) Always compliment someone by holding a heart in front of your face:

I hope you enjoyed the product of my boredom on a Sunday night. 

I'm going to go watch Revenge on Netflix. 

QOTD: What is worse than a Giant Panda sitting on you? 

Comment! Like! Tweet! Share! (if you do I'll stop adding annoying !!!!!'s)

Keep it classy folks.

--[sm]ASH

Paint the town...

…yellow.

Earlier this week (I think it was Wednesday), I walked out to my car to drive to class, and a thin film of pollen coated my blue (now green) Ford Explorer. In Georgia spring doesn’t start on a day marked on your calendar, it starts the moment pollen paints the town yellow.

 

But spring isn’t the only season right now. It’s also allergy season (& baseball season, Go Braves!). So it’s eye-stinging, nose-sniffling, sneezing, throat-gunk-building, warm-weather that you can’t even enjoy because you feel like you might be dying a little on the inside – season. Yeah I’m not bitter at all. 

Back to what I think was Wednesday morning – I drove to campus, turned into my parking lot, and BAM there was to most beautiful parking space. It was right in the front, and was under a tree, so it would be in the shade. Wonderful-ness.

I went to class. And I had a really good day, except for the whole, ya know, I’m slightly dying from pollination overload here. Whatever – it’s fine – I’m winning at life today, I was early to all of my classes, I had time to eat breakfast, I hadn’t tripped (in front of anyone), and I had an amazing parking space.

So yeah – this girl’s a winner.

Or so I thought. My class ended early (win). So I took my sweet time walking back to my car, but as I approach it, something felt weird.

Maybe it’s that fact that my car usually isn’t blue(ish-green) with big white pok-a-dots. That’s right folks. I parked under a tree. And not just any tree, the tree where about 20 birds like to spend their day unloading all of the junk-in-their-trunks onto my trunk (and the rest of my car).

My car was plastered with bird poop and pollen.

And to make myself feel better, I google-image searched “bird poop on cars.” And I found these gems. My car was not nearly this bad, so I think I’m still winning at life.

--[sm]ASH

Ice Cream and Cake and Cake

One of my brother's birthday's is in a few days, and we all know what that means... Ice Cream and Cake! So this morning was looking at cake recipes on Pinterest, but I have the new updated version of Pinterest which won't load any of the pins I click on! (lesson of the day: Don't update your Pinterest) So I decided to move on to bigger and better websites.

I was stumbling along (on StumbleUpon.com), and I came across this picture:

And so I did what every American does when they come across something they find interesting and/or funny, I googled. 

I searched "weird Ben & Jerry's flavors," "funny Ben & Jerry's containers," and the like.. And boy did I hit the Jackpot. People have literally take time out of their life to create fake ice cream flavors.

As I looked through the ba-gillion different fake flavors a question popped into my mind (I accidentally typed pooped at first. I'm so very glad that a question didn't poop in my mind)

If there was an ice cream flavor about me what would it be? What if every person had their own personal ice cream flavor? 

That'd be cool. Ya know, if your in to that kind of stuff. 

So I took time out of my day to create some more ice cream flavors for some people you actually might have heard of. Enjoy. 

Question of the Day: If you had a flavor of ice cream named after you what would it be and why?
Leave your answer in a comment below!

--ASH

If Disney invented YOLO

YOLO is a weird thing. It stands for You Only Live Once, but I think most people who live by that life motto are probably going to live a shorter life than the average human being. People who love YOLO, probably need to re-think some of their priorities. 

This is a music video I came across a few weeks ago, explaining why YOLO should mean You Outta Look Out. It's hilarious, so legit - watch it!

  

After watching this I got to thinking, what if YOLO was invented a long time ago. What if it was apart of my childhood?

What if Disney had invented YOLO?

Well if Disney had my childhood would have been a whole lot different. Like A LOT. If I lived my life by the YOLO motel, I'd probably be dead by now (-- ironic).

If most Disney movies morals were YOLO, then they would look slightly different... well probably more than slightly. These are a few examples of how I think some Disney movies would have been about if the premise behind them was YOLO.

The Lion King

            Is told not to go into the shadowy place… goes into the shadowy place… YOLO

Aladdin

            Tells a girl he will show her a whole new world

            They stay in the same place the entire movie… YOLO

Beauty and the Beast

            Falls in love with her kidnapper… 

           Sounds like Stockholm Syndrome… whatever, YOLO

The Little Mermaid

            Wants to go to the surface… does… YOLO

                       

Hunch Back of Notre Dame

            Wins a contest for ugliest mask… wasn’t wearing a mask… YOLO

Sleeping Beauty

            Pricks her finger… (logically) falls into a coma… 

           comes out it from a (what must be a mighty fine) kiss… YOLO

Peter Pan

            Knows people can’t fly, but he jumps out the window anyways… and flies… YOLO

Lady and the Tramp

            Meets a no good boy, they hook up, she gets prego… YOLO (octo-mom!)

Finding Nemo

            Is told not to touch the boat… Touches the boat…  YOLO

Snow White

            Takes (& EATS) an apple from a creepy old lady… and then dies YOLO

                        Except she wakes back up YOLT (you only live TWICE)

--ASH

Just Keep Swimming

When you swim in a lane next to someone it’s a race. You can pretend it isn’t, but lehz be honest… it is.

And let’s just say, I’m a tortoise in a pool full of rabbits (that was a bad example, oh well – its late – can’t turn back now). Basically – I’m slow. Like really, really, extremely the opposite of fast.

I enjoy swimming. I don’t enjoy being the slowest person in the pool, but I like to swim all the same.

And today, ladies and gentlemen, was a very special day. Today, for the first time (probably in my entire life) I was not the slowest person in the rec pool (it’s a great feeling).

This chick in the lane next to me was SO SLOW. So we raced, we’ll I raced, and I won, every time. I was exuberant! (mad vocab skillz right dur). If trash talking in the rec pool were a thing (which it is in my head), I would have been all like, “man girl you swim like an old lady” (maybe it’s a good thing I don’t trash talk out loud – I’m not really good at it).  

So I did thirty laps (ok, I only did 20, it’s been a long week). And literally (like legitimately) I won every race, all 20 of them. I was proud. Prouder than Columbus, when he thought he found Asia.

But then, the unthinkable happened. We both got out of the pool around the same time (she was a little behind me – cause, remember, I won every race). I glanced over. She took off her swim cap and goggles, and...

Let me tell you, long brown locks did not flow down her back. No. This chick’s (or should I say, mother hen’s) hair was gray. I’m not talking about that speckled gray-ish – brown-ish, in-between phase. I’m talking full-fledged clouds on a rainy day, gray.

How did I not realize that the person I was “racing” against is probably three times my age? I was as wrong as Columbus. But something did come out of these conquests, I won 20 races, and Columbus found a new continent (which is pretty cool, I guess). 

Honestly, I’m still proud of myself. I should get like an award or something, right? I mean winning 20 races in a row, that's a lot.

--ASH

Side Note: We’ve all heard the saying “In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue,” but what if he didn’t? What if some rich, high-up-there political man decided to tweak the date, so that it would be easier to remember? How would we know? Weird.

What A Crazy Random Happenstance

#TBT

The Recital 

(video I made with a team in 2010)

Humility

(a poem I wrote as apart of my creative writing portfolio in 2011)

I had never met humility

So he gladly introduced himself to me

With a firm handshake, but a humble grip

The advice he gave me was a very good tip

He told me, “Don’t be too proud

You aren’t the greatest amongst the crowd”

I replied, “But I am great”

Not knowing that’s what people hate

He sighed, realizing what I couldn’t see

I was blind to my inferiority

All I wanted was to be significant

To leave my mark on the pavement

I wanted to be a household name

To live next door to fortune and fame

Humility told me, “You don’t have to be perfect

But, you should treat others with respect.”

He walked away without another word

Back then I thought he was absolutely absurd

But time and experience thought me otherwise

I learned what I looked like in others eyes

P.S. - go watch Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog (it's on Netflix) 
          and it's 42 minutes of pure awesomeness 

This. Happened.

This morning was one of the craziest mornings of my life…

I woke up late. And proceeded to decide that I still had enough time to shower (I didn’t). I was throwing on a tank and some leggings when my phone started to buzz (the camera flash also goes off when I get a call or text, which is pretty darn sweet).

So my phone was blinding me, I should have left more than ten minutes ago, and I answer. (Side Note: Who calls a college student at 8:50 in the morning, especially one who has a class in fifteen… make that fourteen minutes.)

I answered the phone; “You have won a FREE (hang up - dial tone)” LIES. When a fake-robot-creepy sounding voice tells you you’ve won something over the phone, it is the opposite of legit. When a fake-robot-creepy sounding voice tells you you’ve won something in real life… You’re probably about to get axe murdered. 

Twelve minutes… I throw on my backpack and run out my door, literally RUNNN. And not only do I run out my door down my stairs, I trip, I fall, I was Humpty Dumpty after the wall. That wasn’t pleasant, but at least no one saw me; that I know of (maybe the fake-robot-creepy sounding voice person did, and he… or she… probably decided that I was to ditzy to axe murder).

Eleven minutes… I climbed into my Explorer. My butt was burning, BUT I had to go to class today (we have an exam on Friday).

Six minutes… Somehow the usual ten-minute drive to campus only took me five. I threw my car in park and speed walked (like an Olympian) to the FACS building.

Two minutes… I walk up the stairs to my building. I was going to make it… but wait, it’s a wee-bit colder than usual. I look down. Oh NO… WHERE ARE MY SHORTS?!?? Yeah, I’m one of “those girls” who wear shorts over their athletic leggings. YES I had leggings on, but NO that wasn’t the original game plan for the day (I was super awkwardly uncomfortable). 

One minute… I slide into class, and take my seat panting. Made it.

This morning would have been crazy, except NONE of this actually happened. 

I had the most quant and quiet morning of my life. I woke up early, showered, put pants on (that's a win in itself), and had time to meet my friend at the dinning hall for breakfast. It was SUPER NORMAL. I almost wish I actually had a crazy morning like this one, cause it makes a great story.. (I know you think it does). 

But DON'T FRET; I sometimes truly lead a partially ungraceful life. Something extremely similar to this actually happened to me a few weeks ago. 

Enjoy this picture of a bike I took last night (yeah, yeah, I truly did take this picture yesterday).

--ASH

SMASH Hit

Smash (adj.) - of, relating to, or constituting a great success

Someday I want to be a SMASH hit on some super cool satellite radio station (lehz be honest, in a few years normal radio won't exist). I don't want to be some silly "one hit wonder" 

And no, I don't want to be a ligament song. (then I would be weirder than I already am). Although if someone wrote a SMASH hit song about me, well, I wouldn't complain, 'cause that would be slightly greater than awesome. 

Someday, I want my life to "[constitute] a great success," but then again what counts as a great success? What does it mean to be successful? 

For me, right now, being a success means making A's and takin' names. But what will being a success mean in 5 years from now? in 10? 

Literally, (but not actually) every definition of success mentions the word wealth: "the attainment of wealth, position, honors...""success... measured by attainment of goals [and] wealth..." 

So basically dictionary.com is saying that in order to be a SMASH hit on one of those fancy satellite stations, you have to have money, and lots of it. You have to be wealth-yyy. 

And as a somewhat broke college student, I beg disagree. 

Success isn't measured by how big (or in my case small) the number in your bank account is. It's measured by your passions. Not just simple goals on a to-do list, but your dreams. It's measured by your wants (no, I'm not talking about your want to that new JT CD), but by the BIG things you want to SEE HAPPEN in this WORLD and in your LIFE. 

I know what you're thinking.. "This kid right here, she is WERID... Her blog is about smashing stuff..." Hate to break it to you, but I'm not going to post videos of me smashing things... probably... 

I want this blog to constitute as a great success. Now, I don't know what a successful blog actually is, but as long as I love what I'm writing, and I'm passionate about this... then it's a success to me.

--- [sm]ASH